Episode 1: Beware of Unwanted Hair
I tell you, aging is difficult. Even if you’re relatively healthy, there are so many things that happen over the course of time that can be hard to accept. One of the most annoying aspects about getting older is the continual appearance of new, unwanted hair. I am not just talking about little stray hairs that appear on your arm or your neck. What is it about getting old that accelerates the growth of hair from your nose and your ears? Have you seen some people with an abundance of this? Do they never look in the mirror??
I sat behind a guy on a plane with a coarse dark hair growing from the side of his ear that I swear must’ve been 2 inches long. It was not particularly inconspicuous, but his wife didn’t even notice, apparently. Actually she probably does know about the hair, but she intentionally doesn’t mention it to him, either because it deters other women from any sort of interaction with him, or possibly so she can identify his remains after some horrific accident. Who knows? Of course, that’s nothing compared to the poor guys who literally have what look like infestations of hair in their ear canals. You’ve seen these guys, right? I feel sorry for them, honestly. I could be right there too, but for the luck of genetics. I thank heaven every day that I don’t have to have my ears waxed on a weekly basis, just to appear presentable.
Hey! No offense to you guys who might bear some resemblance to what I’m describing. Trust me, I feel your pain. It’s only a matter of time before I am in the same boat, potentially. The acceleration for my own unwanted hair has begun, and now it’s just a matter of staying ahead of it. If I go a week without closely examining the insides of both my nose and my ears, I find that when I do get around to an inspection, I am appalled at how quickly and aggressively this stuff grows. I’m thinking to myself, “Why didn’t someone tell me?” I’m a man, I can take it. “Sir, there is a cactus in your ear, it appears. Oh, never mind, that’s just your ear hair. Sorry!”
Oh yeah, don’t even get me started on the nose hair! It’s worse than the ear hair in some ways. You need those little guys to catch microscopic critters trying to make their way into your lungs. I’m afraid of those nose hair trimmers, too. I don’t trust anything with spinning blades within six feet of my face. Did you know that nose waxing was a thing? I had NO IDEA! My younger brother was bragging at Christmas about his recent trip to the barber where in addition to his standard haircut, he also had his nasal passages waxed! What? Ouch!! He did admit that it was painful for a split second. He still thought it was worth it to have virgin nostrils again for a while. Personally, I would always be dreading the reemergence of all that hair, like internal stubble, all prickly and ready to grow back stronger than before…those baby soft nostrils won’t last forever!
Oh well, if all I’ve got to complain about is extra unwanted hair, I guess it isn’t too bad…till next time!